mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
