Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
