you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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