no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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