Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I only lived at night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
