Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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