We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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