Just cropdusted the office
handjob tips. give me some.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
