yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
