dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
