i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
