At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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