O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
