Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
