so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
