you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
