I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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