Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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