Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
