When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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