I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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