YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
