That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize