Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
