We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
