Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
