Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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