Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize