Im at strip club and am horny
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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