Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
