I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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