OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Little spoons don't ask big questions
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
