Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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