So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
