How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
