Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
