Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
