I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
