I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize