yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
