on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
