I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
