i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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