well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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