do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
