Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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