**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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