i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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