I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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