And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
