We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
