Princesses don't give blow jobs
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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