With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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