their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
