Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
