I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your dick twin last night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize