He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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