Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
