just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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