You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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