WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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