I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
