Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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