I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
