from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
where am i from again
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
