chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
