I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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