Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
