He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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