Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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