ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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