my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
