I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
