I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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