I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
