Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
