I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
