you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
