hotel room ftw
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
