I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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