who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
