I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
be right there i have to get my cape
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
