I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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