The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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